It's november!!

Its been an incredibly busy month, but by God's grace, we're here. We made it to November!
In the past month, we've had about 10 students come every Sunday evening. We've sadly lost touch with some students, but we've gained others as well. The biggest upcoming event is our youth retreat, "The ESCAPE," which is this coming Friday!! (gasp!) This is the first retreat I have ever fully organized, and tacking down the details has been truly blessed by God. Everything is miraculously falling into place. We will be taking about 10 students to camp in tents and studying what it means to be a solider of God while coving 2nd Timothy in one weekend! :) I am so excited.

Earlier today I was reflecting on the process of "sowing," sinking deeper in the understanding that my work is a process, often very enjoyable, sometimes painfully difficult, occasionally mundaine and very slow. It's deeply satisfying even as the blisters form. The fields are ripe for harvest.

Prayer requests for this month:

• The Retreat!!! Pray that we have good weather, a safe time, and that God works miraculously in the hearts of the students and adults alike.
• Pray for unity for our youth team! Pray that I learn how to bring them togther as a cohesive unit and learn to delegate sensitively.
• Pray for a youth leader to come take my place in May; someone who can hopefully join our team this winter to make the transition smoother.
• Pray for peace among our students. As is typical of middle school, some students decided that they just don't like other students. Our group is too small for this to happen without consequences.
• Thank God for the new members in our group and the spiritual understanding of some of our students. I can definitely see some spiritual leadership developing and it is so wonderful!

Oh Master, let me walk with Thee

A hymn we sang in church yesterday that really struck me:

"Oh Master, let me walk with thee in lowly paths of service free;
tell me thy secret; help me bear the strain of toil, the fret of care.
Help me the slow of heart to move by some clear, winning word of love,
teach me the wayward feet to stay, and guide them in the homeward way.
Teach me thy patience; still with thee in clearler, dearer company,
in work that keeps faith sweet and strong, in trust that triumphs over wrong;
in hope that sends a shinging ray far down the future's broadening way,
in peace that only thou canst give, with the, O Master, let me live."

joy

he came to church today; the man I met Friday afternoon. He came and I got to preach about life in the Spirit renewing us from the inside out, about the Living God who longs to have relationship with us, about the Consuming Fire whom we draw near in worship. He stayed for a while afterwards, talking to others, talking to our pastor. My heart is full.

The early worship service is growing, 5th Quarter was excellent, and Sunday school, though hit-and-miss with attendance, is deepening in discussion and intensity as we talk about tough themes like redemption, sin, and reconciliation. I am honored to be the farmer who is daily sowing seeds.
My heart is full.

i think i get it now.

I've been at the church today for five hours so far, two hours till 5th Quarter starts, and then two hours of high energy fun after that. Already, my spirit has been revived by my time here. Though it was hard to make myself come here this afternoon, a wave of energy and inspiration outgrew my weariness and restored hope and purpose to what I do here. I will ride it for the time being until the next dry spell comes, in all likeliness, a few days later.

I met a man today while standing outside the church. He was in pain from a wound that showed on his skin but went deep--all the way to his heart. He asked me for some burn ointment to treat the self-inflicted wound that kept him from taking his life last night. I had nothing to offer him, but tears welled up in his eyes as we talked. I could tell that he felt uncomfortable within the doors of the church and amazed that we not only invited him in, but didn't condemn him for his life-saving decision. He told me he had reached rock-bottom and didn't know which way to go. I told him that he made a good first step by just asking for help. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, thanked me from his heart.

Maybe he'll come back to this church and find the living water that can heal him from the inside out. But if he doesn't, I know he met Christ today in myself and the other gentleman who showed him love and grace.
These are the moments that shake my world from its core and I know beyond a doubt that I am right where I"m supposed to be. I'm not meant to be a youth pastor, not as a career. In this one little encounter I realize why this has been so wonderful and so difficult. I'm called to minister, but not designed for this capacity of high-energy and chasing down details. But these moments, meeting the low, the broken, the ones who have reached rock bottom, and showing them the face of Christ in just a few minute's time, that's the ministry I've been called to. I will stay in this position for this season of my life, all the while knowing for certain that God has greater plans for me. But there is nothing sweeter than finally, briefly, seeing the Church be the Church as She was meant to be--the hands and feet of Christ.

Pray for this man, and others like him in this aching town. Pray that the Church here steps up and does Her job, overwhelming the gates of hell with the love and compassion that come from Christ alone.

September prayers and praises

Forgot the most important part of the update:

Praise God for a slowly growing group! Three weeks ago we had a record: 13 students! Lately the average has been between 8 and 10, higher than last semester. Pray that we can continue to welcome students who need  to hear about God.

Pray for peace in our group. As is expected with this age group, some kids just don't get along. At first I saw this as a major problem and worked to separate the quarrenling parties, but I've since come to see it as a developmental hurdle that I know these kids can overcome. We are a loving community built on mutual faith in One God: pray that we can overcome our differences and love each other.

Confirmand groups are not working out yet as I had hoped. Please pray for the Spirit to bless those discipleship groups.

We already have two, possibly three college freshmen on board to help us with extra events! Pray that God brings in the the right peole to serve, and that their presence will encourage our group. I thank God for them!

Upcoming events: possibly paint-ball, Fall festival, more 5th Quarters. I want to plan a retreat in November. Pray that those things would happen and I wouldn't let myself get stressed out about what is outside of my control.

Above all, pray for God's Presence with us, to work in kid's hearts and draw the hurting to himself. Praise God for what He's about to do!

Rallys, parties, and light bulbs

(I've been writing this since summer time and I finally figured out how to post title. Go me!)

I love to see the body of Christ working together. Rather than being catagorized in our seperate buildings, I believe the most profound impact happens when all the saints join together and storm hell's gates side-by-side. This was the goal of the first (hopefully) annual Youth Rally. Several youth pastors in the area joined together behind a vision of a town-wide rally, with worship, teaching, and games. My own part in the rally was minimal but I was blessed to be a part of the evening. After meetings, lots of prayer, and a few hours of prep-work, the doors to the Expo Center were opened and, bit by bit, 105 kids filtered in from all over the area. Most belonged to youth groups but 15 were unchurched. The Holy Spirit met us there, and the True, Living Gospel was preached passionately to kids who never thought that excitement and God could exist in the same context. Now we have contact information for all of the kids and the youth pastors can divide-and-conquer on follow-ups. The movement of the Holy Spirit is so much bigger than my little youth group in my little church. He is drawing broken people back to Himself. I continue to pray for revival in this dry town, and I am blessed to see that I am not alone in this prayer, nor is God slow hear us.

Tonight is our second 5th Quarter. Got to be completely honest on this one, I don't really want to go tonight. I'd much rather be in bed or working on homework. But I know, I know, that this is an important aspect of ministry as well. We are providing a place for kids to be themselves, to build relationships, to be safe and independent and have fun. Having a party within the doors of a church blasts away the lie that God is dull. There are more opportunites for teachable moments in daily living together. It provides a bridge to welcome them to our regualr youth meetings, where they are sure to have the gospel preached to them again and again.

Whenever I need assurance that I am doing good here, God is faithful to provide it. At youth group last  night, one of my students had a shining moment. We were in small groups discussing how religions are not all the same, and that Jesus really is the only way to God. One student respectfully disagrees, insisting that if I were Muslim, for example, then I would get to God by being a good Muslim. After trying and failing to use words to prove to him the law of noncontradiction, I ultimately pick up my pencil and draw a simple stick-figure sketch, illustrating man, God, and the cross in between. "God would be very cruel or very stupid to let his Son die if there was any other way." And the lightbulb went on. Beyond finally understanding, this student's face lit up, in excitement he raised his voice: "Oh! I get it now!! I've always wondered that!" Of course Jesus is the only way! Armed with this new conviction, we went on to discuss who he could share the good news with and why it makes a difference.

I've been told that if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I love this job, but that is not true. It's hard work to love. It's not easy for this reserved introvert to work up the energy to pour out enthusiasm and joy whenever its required of me. And sometimes, even when I lightbulbs do go off, I'm not automatically filled with energizing joy that carries me thorugh the rest of a long day. But it is absolutely worth it. Beyong a doubt, loving God's people is always worth it.

Set-up for a new semester

August has been a huge month for us in our little small-town church. I have much to catch up on. Let me preface with Praise, as God is doing awesome things in the lives of these youth and the hearts of the church. This month, I am humbled and eternally grateful to be a part of the change going on here in rural Missouri.

And major changes are taking place this new semester. We are starting Confirmation material during Sunday School that will go all school year long. We have nine in the class and six who have committed to come regularly and dive deep into the material. We have mentors in line, daily devotionals, service projects and retreats to be scheduled. This is disciple-making, straight-forward and sweet, and I am thrilled to be teaching the essentail, foundational doctrines to an eager and committed class. Please pray for these six students who are considering joining the church.

I am bursting with pride to see my little group growing in boldness and maturity as they discover who they are in Christ. During our Youth Sunday, some of our 7th grades helped lead worship in fron of the entire congregation! Two others had the guts to read aloud ways God has demonstrated His power in their lives recently. They were so awesome!

Another exciting change is the youth room. In early February, myself, another leader, and three students stood in an empty, dim, grey, concrete room and prayed for the Spirit to fill it, that it would become a place of Strength and Peace not only for the youth of this church but for the whole community. Months went by, and periodically we would meet in that room but most of the time it remained empty. This summer, after our Mission Week team added some paint and paid for some lighting, things look a whole lot better.

My friends, I have seen this prayer answered! Last week we held our first 5th Quarter in the youth room, complete with music, snack bar, air hockey, fooseball, pool, and Uno. The kids had a blast! we had a few new faces and everyone told me we should do it after every home game, which we plan to to. Our first Youth Group for the semester, which was this last Sunday, also met in the improved youth room. We had a total of 13 students and a fantastic discussion about how our group mirrors the New Testament church in Acts 2. I can hear their answers reflecting a greater understanding than when we discussed the same topic six months ago.

Everything is set up and ready to go for this semester. Events are scheduled, youth leaders are committed, we're looking for a college student to come along side me this year so they can take over in May. We've got the Youth Room, Bus system, food and games. Oh heavenly Father, please let us not forget your Spirit!

Prayer requests as we head into September: That God would provide the right people to join our team, and would prepare the person who is supposed to take over after me; for our confirmand group to remain involved and committed and serious in their study; that the kids who need God's Word most would come to youth group and be fed. Pray that God helps me discern the balance between the need for fun events and serious discussion, so that everything we do is for a purpose. Pray that the Spirit takes over my speech (I'll be teaching sunday school, youth group, and an occasional Sunday Morning sermon this semester). Mostly, continue to pray for the Spirutal rain to revive thirsty hearts in this community. I've been told that conversations and attitudes are beginning to shift among the older members from "how can you (church leadership) serve me (paying member)" to "how can I get involved in what the church is doing in the community." Our Father is faithful and is up to Awesome things. I praise God for helping me through such a dry season so that I get to hear these first thunderclaps before the downpour.

Long days

The summer is beginning to wind down as school is only a week and a half away; time to transition to a more regular schedule, where my focus will be more on teaching and less on organizing crazy events (praise God!) but the transition also requires long hours of preparation for the school year. Yesterday was one of those 12- hour days, and I surprise myself with the range of emotions I experience in one day at work:

A knot of dread in the pit of my stomache during my morning drive reminds me that I'm just not looking forward to facing all the unanswered questions today. My quiet, introverted self struggles to be authentic past the friendly Sunday-morning greetings during the early service.

Impatience and embarassment as I remember a student who needs a ride (we can't  see  to get a good bus system going) and I need to find a second adult to go with me to pick him up. I hate asking other adults to do things, even though they are willing servants and they're not doing it for me, but for the students.

Disapointment in my students, whom I and another dear woman labor to teach week after week, and during review, can't recal one thing we discussed all summer long. Do these hours of work even count for anything?

Peace and comfort flood through me during the worship service. For an hour I can drop my "have it all together" role and petition a good King to bless this community. I am joined at the kneeling rail by older saints whose passion and perserverance last far longer than my own. This church struggles, but they have a good heart.

I'm tired by 11:30, but it's potluck day. I'm genuinely happy about getting a free meal and sharing it with some friends at church, but feeling increasingly tired and impatient as I gather up two students and another adult to give them a ride home. Back at the chruch, I have one hour to make phone calls, e-mails, and a to-do list before I go pick up kids again for worship rehearsal.

Because the pastor's away and next week is youth Sunday, guess who gets to be in charge of the service next week? It was my bright idea to get the youth band to lead worship, so by 2:00 we're all together with a handful of middle school students (the rest are unresponsive to my persistent phone calls) in an attempt to make something resembling music. This is where I almost start crying because I realize I've been put in charge of something I know nothing about.

My some miracle, we get through with a degree of improvement. Then there's a meeting with the pastor. Then a quick meeting with the music director. Details for next week begin falling into place. Finally it's off to the lake because Youth Group is meeting on a sail boat!

Two and a half hours later, I file 5 hungry students off the boat to impatient parents waiting on the shore. We promised to provide dinner that some students didn't have because we ran so late. One student was brand new and I hope he comes back next week, but his aunt seemed pretty unhappy about the late return. But I'm in a good mood because it was a fun and peaceful ride. Maybe we solidified some friendships. Maybe my short devotional about Jesus calming the waves was an encouragement to one. Maybe they'll make a point to come back.

That's always the question that stirrs the most anxiety in me. Who will be there? Who can I count on? Why aren't they comming? What can I do to make them come? But it's one question that keeps me coming back week after week. Is it worth it? Yes, it always is.

Here are some pictures of our crew on the sail boat. I certainly had a blast. Next week we'll go bowling, then to an ice-cream place, then our Kick-Off will be at the end of August. Fall 2012, here we come!  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stockton-United-Methodist-Church/149622788442667?ref=stream#!/media/set/?set=a.372117042859906.85125.149622788442667&type=1

Missions Week re-cap

done.
It's been a long, full two weeks, but the hard part is finally done!
I have a day of office work tomorrow, Sunday school, then I'm free for a week. Huzzah!
Our missions week was surely blessed by God! This week I learned that God does not count success like we count sucess. My version of success would have been 10 kids involed in missions week, complete with games and amazing projects, topped off with a weekend retreat.
God's version was very different and so much better! Simple, intense discipleship with three boys. We didn't have the numbers to play a bunch of exciting games, but we did get in some really awesome discussion about the Greatest Commandment, The Great Commission, sharing the Gospel and sharing our testimonies. We served a neighboring church, a man who doesn't often leave his home, we re-did our youth room so that it looks AWESOME!!! and hosted a block-party for a neighboring apartment complex. The small group afforded more opportunities for daily teachable moments and I believe made a lasting impact on these boys and even the future of this church. I am amazed at how God worked and changed my attitude to align with His own vision. Through seasons of deep frustrations and discouragement, He has led me to a river of rejoicing. I am certain that He is with me in this ministry, and I know beyond a doubt that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Thanks for the prayers and keep them coming!!!

Hurdles in Discipleship

It's a full season for this youth group. And I am in the process of convincing myself that every moment of it is worth it.

First, Camp was last week. Definitely a fantastic experience. Five of my students were going, so I went as a counselor and I think I had more fun then the campers! It was a relief to still be doing ministry while not in charge of making decisions. I was able to connect with several campers and counselors while I was there, and my own students got to see me in a different environment. I know that camp made a difference in my students because there is a seriousness about the gospel now that wasn't there three weeks ago.

So Monday started off Missions Week. This has been the strangest combination of excitement and discouragement. I have been planing this week-long event since the middle of last semester, have been talking about it all year and really pressing sign-up for the past month and a half. The grand total of attendence?...3. Some have legitimate reasons why they can't be here this week, others have just decided that they're not interested, and some I can call and call and just never get a hold of. What is most discouraging is when you see service and talking about Jesus as a treasure, but some just don't care. I never claim to be the most fun person to hang around but I know that people are missing out.

Organizing the details of this week has also been a challenge. Last night I waded through an hour or two of phone calls in an attempt to sort out the details for tomorrow, which completely changed on me last minute. Some other phone calls tonight should add some more closure but I'm learning that there are some questions I just have to wait patiently for. I feel scatter-brained as I haphazardly pull things together and totally elated when, beyond belief, they actually work!

Every time I question, I am always reassured that the work here is worth it! So far we have talked about the Greatest Commandments and the Great Commission; tomorrow we'll try to articulate our testimonies and thursday we'll be talking about "the least of these." Some may say that these themes are too advanced for middle school kids but I have seen them repeatedly rise to the occassion and eagerly participate in the discussion. These boys actually want to learn about God, the dynamic here is perfect for close discipleship. Even though it's not nearly what I wanted it to look like, perhaps its good that it's just the three of them. My God is in control.

So far, we ripped out a carpet in a small church in a neighboring town, prayer-walked through our town as we passed out invites to a free car wash we had today. (We were able to use the car wash as a springboard into the gospel: getting something for free or doing something without payment.) Tomorrow we will do some yard work for a gentleman in our neighborhood and paint our own youth room. Thursday is an outreach project; we will be hosting a block party in a neighborhood just for the sake of building connections and relationships there.

Perhaps some good will come of our projects and people will be interested in joining our church. Perhaps the only good I'm doing here is planting seeds. I pray that one day these boys will become young men of passion and godliness. Perhaps my small influence can point them in that directions. All are aching for love and for answers. So what if there's only three? They are three precious sons yearning to know the Father, and I am blessed to be a small part of it all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAJ0gzqzg_c

Validation is sweet

I don't want to complain about my job, but the fact is that it's difficult in ways I never expected and are very hard to put into words, especially to people who have never before worked in ministry. I was talking to a pastor the other day, asking her how she has the stamina to continue her job for years and years without getting discouraged. "Only by God's grace," she said. "Sundays are my best and worst days. Some days I just sit in my offic after church and cry and cry. Then I get up and get ready for the next week." It's exhausting to have passion and a desire to teach and inspire and have the people you serve not care. They attend because it's what they do but not because they thrist to know more.
But hearing these stories is the most encouraging thing for me. If these great saints can serve for years and struggle and cry and continue joyfully, then I'm doing things right! My brief time in this church is not useless. I can be faithful to follow the call and not worry about the fruit.

I am so excited for the upcoming camp and missions week!! Finally, the lessons are written, supplies purchased, projects all planned out and a weekend retreat to top it all off! To my astonishment, all the details have fallen into place. I know this week will have great potential and God may use it to change hearts as He did mine when I was on Jr. High youth trips. I can hardly believe that I'm leaving for Camp in two days. It will be an intense time encouraging middle-school and Senior high girls, but at least I don't have to make decisions! :) Overall, the next few weeks will roll right along, and with all the ups and downs, I'm glad to be a part of this.

Learning to take it all in stride...

The grand total for church today: 2 in Sunday School, and the same 2 at youth group!
Even though I announce repeatedly that mission week permission forms were due today, even though I made phone calls on Tuesday, Friday, and today attempting to remind students to come...that's just how summer's are in this community, I've been told.
What was cool was the two who came. The game I chose was meant to be a fun object lesson about how we need Scripture to combat Satan's lies, but my instructions were confusing and without enough people the game fell flat completely. They were really good sports and enagaged in discussion dispite the lack of running around. I got an honest comment from a third-grade boy who tagged along with his older brother, "I'm bored to death." okay, thanks. I'll remember not to recycle that one. But the older two, though obviously bored, stuck with me. I forgot that the two wonderful women who make dinner for us were going to be gone this week, so we took an improvised trip to Sonic, which took up most of the remainder of our time and precluded any running-around activities. They're such good sports and I'm so glad I get to play a hand in teaching them.
We need to re-vamp our strategy. what we're doing works, but it's only scraping by.
A year ago in May this church had almost 30 students. Then they called a break for the whole summer and we never got them back. I know this church is capable of doing so much more, but something just isn't working right.

like turning a ship

Last night was a very encouraging evening! A meeting with the pastor set me on the right track for finalizing projects for our missions week on the 23rd. A number of phone calls proved that we may expect a good number of students that week, and (bless the Lord!) enough helpers to go around.
What was most encouraging was a meeting I had with the pastor and another congregant leader later that night. We discussed our vision for the youth group and how we can start working toward a more structured program. While venting about our frustrations with some pockets of the congregation, I mentioned the shocking reality that a large part of the church says they want more youth for the sake of the church, not for the sake of saving souls, and in fact they aren't willing to change to see their numbers grow. The older church leaders laughed at my comment: it was no surprise to them that the church didn't want to change. That's the attitude of many churches across this country, especially those composed of primarily older members. We shouldn't expect a total upheaval, but that doesn't mean that change won't come gradually. My pastor even mentioned a few minor changes he's seen in some members in the past 7 or 8 months, which was encouraging to hear.
This church may not change much during my short time serving here, but change is on it's way. I'm getting involved in something bigger than myself, planting seed for someone else to harvest years down the road. I am to be faithful to the task God gave me today. And today, my task is to make more phone calls about missions week.
Thank you for the prayers--He hears you!

joys and frustrations

It feels like the times when I feel most discouraged is right after a relative success in ministry. I do not understand it. Maybe it's Satan trying to rob my joy, maybe it's just me learning to adjust my expectations as I maneuver the ups and downs of church ministry. I guess ultimately, its the reality that not even this work, which I once and still believe is my greatest joy, can be completely fulfilling. Yes, I know that God is using me and my teaching in ways I can't see (and I've even been blessed to be allowed to see some fruit) but sometimes, at the end of the day, it's a paycheck. All the "shiny" has worn off.

Last Thursday we had a girl's night that went really well! Movie, snacks, "Just Dance," and toe nails. I was glad to provide the opportunity for the girls to come together and have some fun and make connections with some female youth leaders. So I guess it was disappointing when Sunday rolled around, and none of the girls showed up for youth group. We've had increasingly high attendance the past few weeks, but this last sunday there were only three boys, and I got the impression that they weren't too interested in the lesson, though I pulled out everything I could think of to make it engaging. I often talk about the steady drip of truth that carved out my faith as it is today, and I know the same concept applies to these boys I teach. Sometimes, though, I catch myself wondering if I just tell myself that to make me feel better. I know that a few hours once a week is not nearly enough, and it's even more aggravating when parent's aren't committed enough to bring their children to church.

This week I have the daunting task of compiling projects and helpers for our missions week. Please pray that it all comes together smoothly. Pray also that I don't give up, but that I finish strong the race marked out for me.

Some Praises and Prayer requests:

• I and some other adults have seen some undeniable spiritual growth and maturity in some of our youth over the past few months. God is with us!
• Our little group is growing! We have a "core group" of 8 students, and as many as 12 have come on a single youth night. Numbers aren't everything, but they are encouraging.
• Pray for God to move in the hearts of the church and bring revival to this area!! This is the biggest thing on my heart right now. We need people who will volunteer to drive the bus to pick kids up, to meet with and mentor youth on their own time, to be a regualr help on sunday evenings and special events.
• Pray for our missions week, which is less than a month away! Finding help for this week is my #1 stressor right now. I'm afriad we won't have enough adults. Pray pray pray for this to be a success! I believe (because I have experienced it) that mission trips can and do change lives. This week has tremendous potential but it will all flop if we don't have workers who want to spend their time with the youth.
• For myself personally, please pray against discouragement. I can easily let myself start to feel overwhelmed, when the truth is I just need to be patient and rest.

surrender

I've attempted to post on a few different occasions in the past two weeks, and the right words just wouldn't come. There's a lot going on at the church. Work is the source of much stress and frustration as well as joy, and it's hard to cover it all in a blog post.

Last Sunday I was very discouraged with our church. I finally realized that there is a pocket in the congregation that, although they complain about the lack of youth in the church and they hired me to bring more kids in, don't really want the church to grow. These people think that the youth of today are just like the youth of 50 or 60 years ago. They are more concerned with church attendence and acting "Christian" than they are with true relationship or discipleship. They may meet the kids and shake their hands but won't lift a finger in their personal growth. These leaves the burden of authentic church growth and legitimate discipling relationships on the few who are passionate and already involved in too much.

It was a hopeless feeling to realize that I can bring kids into the church doors, entertain them, love on them, and teach them scripture, but by myself, my efforts aren't enough. And if their parents aren't involved (which is true for about half our students) then the church has got to step up as a body and disciple these youth. But they won't do it. How much of an impact can I have if it's just five or six of us adults fighting on behalf of 20 students?

I don't know what to do with this realization, and it's the most disheartening aspect of my job. I think this is the main problem with Christianity being so tied to the culture of midwest: we lose authenticity and passion when mere attendence becomes the standard for Christian living. Then eventually even church attendence dissipates into empty good intentions.

I don't want to give the impression that it's all bad, though. On Tuesday, I had a full 8-hour day which included writing lesson plans and meeting with youth over ice-cream. One 12 year old boy is being raised by his grandmother and has no church background, but his thirst for God and his desire to do good is unparalleled by any others in my little flock. He is getting baptised on Sunday morning and I am so happy that he has carefully considered what this means and is deciding to make a promise before the congregation to commit his life to God. I didn't play much of a hand in bringing him to this point but I get to continue to shepherd him through the next year and I am so thankful for that blessing. 

Can I believe that God is doing miracles that I can't see? Can I trust that I can't do it all but God tends his flocks like a shepherd, that He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to his heart? Can I depend on the Overseer of our Souls to guard those he has entrusted to me? I am afraid for the responsibility that he has given me through this little ministry, but God is the One who sees and changes men's hearts.

Current projects I am working on:

• "Bridge," an informal panel discussion among members of different generations about Christianity and culture. We finally got some volunteers to participate! Hopefully it will be an enjoyable and enlightening experience for all.
• Girl's Night next week. We have 8 girls who come intermittently. After making phone calls today, we might have to cancel this one due to lack of interest.
• Tuesday's at the Park (yes, I totally stole this from Kevin) starts in July. Hopefully we can get enough adults to come play with us.
• The big event this summer: Missions Week will be in late July and will consist of four days of service projects, devotionals, and team games, concluding with a weekend at New Tribes in Camdenton.

In addition to this is youth group on Sunday nights and random ice-cream visits with students. Overall, a full but manageable load.

Oh, and please pray for communication. Next to finding willing volunteers, that is my number one challenge. Some people don't have internet, some have it and don't check e-mail, most don't come to church regularly and many don't return phone calls. In the frenzy I sometimes forget to contact those who need info. This requires organization and attention to details: qualities of which I've never had an abundance.

learning what true strength is

Over and over again, God is reminding me never to underestimate my students.
Since January, one of the most faithful attendants in our youth group is "Jessica," a sweet, caring, spunky, senior who just graduated from high school. Her mental handicap does not slow her down, as she is now living independently in her own apartment and walking to church regularly. Over the past semester I have seen her grow and ask intelligent questions during our studies. She is brave to hang out with a group predominantly populated by middle-school boys, but she and I always have a fun time.
Last night she called me with an "important question" concerning her boyfriend; an issue involving all the drama of the average middle-school relationship. "Oh God, please give me wisdom!" How do I give relationship advice to a high school student when my own experience is fairly limited? As I sought to empathize and guide her the best I could, though, the conversation quickly delved into surprising depths. Jess opened up on issues I never guessed she even thought about. Our conversation lasted an hour. All I could do was offer a listening ear as she re-opened wounds from years past. I was struck by her sensitivity, her sincerity, and her courage to face each day with the cards that had been dealt her. Beyond what I imagined, Jess recognizes her sin and is broken by it, striving to do better each day. She's so often written off because of her handicap, but she has more gusto in her than anyone might anticipate.
I couldn't give Jess any answers or advice to the issues she's dealing with. I couldn't wave my hand or fix her problem. I can't be her best friend and be by her side whenever she wants to talk. But for a little while, I can give her the opportunity to be listened to. In this world of information-sharing, there's not enough listening. For a moment, I could validate her feelings and frustrations. I could act out the truth that God suffers with her in her suffering.

When I stop and think about it, I find it frightening to bear the responsibility of shepherding His sheep. "Not many should presume to be teachers, because those who teach will be judged more harshly. If any man can tame the tongue, he is perfect; able to keep his whole body in check." But they are God's sheep. He holds them in his Hands, I can only try to be an expression of His love in their lives.

 " ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. " 1 Cor 4:10-12

Sharing life with someone, loving someone, means suffering with them. Every time. We cannot love fully unless we share in their sufferings. It's not easy, but it's a price worth paying, because for those who follow Christ, death always gives way to New Life.

coffee break

Sometimes I think the world and the church has some misconceptions about youth ministry:

• No, I do not work only on Sundays.
• No, my work is not comprised only of crazy games, football, and ice-cream. Those are just the perks.
• Yes, it does take quite a bit of time to prepare a usefull lesson, but work requires even more than that.
• Yes, thank you, I do like coffee and spend a lot of time in coffee shops. But I can only afford so many Starbucks grande Chai lattes. Eventually the tea runs out and the work remains.

My back is sore from sitting in Starbucks for the past two hours sending out e-mails and making phone calls, juggling three events-in-the-making with little response from volunteers or students. Days like yesterday are why I absolutely love what I do. Days like today are why I'm getting paid.

Blessed evening tonight.

 This is the kind of stuff youth ministers thrive on.
I can have a tendency to be cynical about things like short-term mission trips and Christian summer camps. Is this the beginning of a new period of spiritual growth, or a short-lived emotional high that happens to have "jesus" somewhere in the tag line? I'm always unsure about what kind of lasting impact such a camp can have, but one of my students returned from a week at church camp and my pastor encouraged me to go on a follow-up visit, so he and I went to pick up 12-year-old Timothy and his brother for a Sonic run this afternoon.
The conversation flowed as expected from any 12-year-old boy: incessant chatter about the pool, fishing, girls, etc. I wasn't discouraged by this; just offering the boy a chance to be heard and know that he is valued is time well spent, but I wasn't expecting any serious spiritual stuff.
I was totally surprised when Timothy randomly changed the subject to worship and how much he enjoyed it. I asked him what he learned from camp and his answer was "knock and the door will be opened to you." He talked about how he felt God during the camp and was reassured that God is always with him. Conversation turned to struggling with sin and Christ's forgiveness, even when we sin repeatedly. We talked about his personal experience with Romans 7:21--25 and how wonderful it is that the Holy Spirit helps us to overcome sin. The next thing he asked me about was baptism. Though his initial understanding of what Baptism is was incorrect, he was very interested in knowing why we're supposed to be baptized and what it means. After explaining as much as we could the seriousness and commitment behind such a decision, Timothy decidedly voiced that he wanted to get baptized. After spending the time talking with him, I am certain that Timothy does have a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and is ready to make this commitment. With more prayer and discussion, Timothy will be baptized on July 1st along with some other adults who wish to submit their lives to Christ and join the church.
In the midst of dealing with all the squirrliness of middle-school boys, of fighting with inconsistent attendance and lack of communication, of trying to patiently answer stupid questions and wondering if a 20-minute lesson and some games could possibly make a difference....I must never underestimate the spiritual understanding of this age group. They continually surprise me with the deepest sincerity and a serious desire to learn and improve. These are the kids from broken homes who statistically speaking, shouldn't want anything to do with the gospel. But Christ's love compels us...
There are many weeks of camp to go, and many projects, game nights, sunday school lessons, and ice-cream runs ahead. Pray for rains of blessings and softened hearts, and praise the God of the harvest.

new seasons

There has been no small amount of change in the past month, and through it I have discovered three things about myself:
1. I love adventure. This isn't a particularly new discovery; more of a significant reassurance that yes, I do indeed crave adventure and change.
2. I have a difficult time connecting with the people I love most when I'm off on adventures or absorbed in a project (which is almost all the time). Now that I'm beginning a season of my life where many of my friends are spreading across the country, I especially regret my inability to maintain a connection to those whom I hold in highest esteem.
3. I am in constant, desperate need of Grace and Mercy which comes through prayer. Not the prayer request over any urgent crisis or martyr-like undertaking, but the simple, persistent knocking on the Door of a Good Father for His favor and blessing on my life, ministry, and troublesome adventures.

This is not a blog for me to pour out my deepest thoughts or offer my personal musings to a world already over-cluttered with meaningless chatter. This is not a soap box for me to rant and rage. I do not expect anyone to read this but my close circle of friends and family. This blog is for you whom I love to stay updated about my ministry and adventures on which the Lord is taking me, and I hope it to be a connection by which I can keep up with your lives,  however far apart we are. Most of all, it is a bold request for prayer: may God use me effectively wherever and in whatever capacity He so chooses. I look forward to sharing the joys and challenges with you all.

On Wednesday I returned from a mission trip on the First Nations Reservations in Ontario. I know that many of you I've been unable to talk to have been wanting to know how it went. In a word: wonderful. The challenges turned to sweet victories as we saw fruit come directly from our church-planting labors. I saw the demeanor of a few teenagers drastically change because of the hope they saw in our group. We were able to touch so many lives, share the gospel repeatedly with grace and respect, and demonstrate hope in a neighborhood robbed of dignity. The Spirit went before us to soften the ground, enabled us to plant seeds, and is cultivating a harvest. I have been on three mission trips before this one, but only on this trip have I felt the strong, sincere desire to return and continue working. We shall see what comes of it. In the mean time, continue to pray that the Lord sends workers into the harvest field among the First Nation.

Currently, I am spending my summer as a youth director at a small church in rural Missouri. This is my first summer away from home, and the sweet independence mixed with loneliness is a strange draught indeed. I am so excited about all the opportunities these next few months can afford for diving into a stronger relationship with my students, but the task is daunting: "Administration" is not one of my spiritual gifts, and the job requires keeping track of many details, persistently connecting with people who won't return phone calls, delegating jobs without making people angry or hurt or feel unappreciated or over-burdened, coming up with creative but do-able ideas for fun activities, and keeping track of the necessary paper-work all while teaching, preaching, greeting, and acting like a genuinely nice and civil person. I love my job, but this is why it is so stressful.  I often feel like I'm under quite a bit of pressure, and then I consider my young age and the fact that I'm not even a ministry major and the task feels even more overwhelming. It feels an awful lot like herding cats.
But when that one student is tracking, when he or she gives that surprising on-target answer or asks that pivotal question, then it's all worth it. I know it's cliche but it's true. I wouldn't trade my job for anything.