i think i get it now.

I've been at the church today for five hours so far, two hours till 5th Quarter starts, and then two hours of high energy fun after that. Already, my spirit has been revived by my time here. Though it was hard to make myself come here this afternoon, a wave of energy and inspiration outgrew my weariness and restored hope and purpose to what I do here. I will ride it for the time being until the next dry spell comes, in all likeliness, a few days later.

I met a man today while standing outside the church. He was in pain from a wound that showed on his skin but went deep--all the way to his heart. He asked me for some burn ointment to treat the self-inflicted wound that kept him from taking his life last night. I had nothing to offer him, but tears welled up in his eyes as we talked. I could tell that he felt uncomfortable within the doors of the church and amazed that we not only invited him in, but didn't condemn him for his life-saving decision. He told me he had reached rock-bottom and didn't know which way to go. I told him that he made a good first step by just asking for help. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, thanked me from his heart.

Maybe he'll come back to this church and find the living water that can heal him from the inside out. But if he doesn't, I know he met Christ today in myself and the other gentleman who showed him love and grace.
These are the moments that shake my world from its core and I know beyond a doubt that I am right where I"m supposed to be. I'm not meant to be a youth pastor, not as a career. In this one little encounter I realize why this has been so wonderful and so difficult. I'm called to minister, but not designed for this capacity of high-energy and chasing down details. But these moments, meeting the low, the broken, the ones who have reached rock bottom, and showing them the face of Christ in just a few minute's time, that's the ministry I've been called to. I will stay in this position for this season of my life, all the while knowing for certain that God has greater plans for me. But there is nothing sweeter than finally, briefly, seeing the Church be the Church as She was meant to be--the hands and feet of Christ.

Pray for this man, and others like him in this aching town. Pray that the Church here steps up and does Her job, overwhelming the gates of hell with the love and compassion that come from Christ alone.