surrender

I've attempted to post on a few different occasions in the past two weeks, and the right words just wouldn't come. There's a lot going on at the church. Work is the source of much stress and frustration as well as joy, and it's hard to cover it all in a blog post.

Last Sunday I was very discouraged with our church. I finally realized that there is a pocket in the congregation that, although they complain about the lack of youth in the church and they hired me to bring more kids in, don't really want the church to grow. These people think that the youth of today are just like the youth of 50 or 60 years ago. They are more concerned with church attendence and acting "Christian" than they are with true relationship or discipleship. They may meet the kids and shake their hands but won't lift a finger in their personal growth. These leaves the burden of authentic church growth and legitimate discipling relationships on the few who are passionate and already involved in too much.

It was a hopeless feeling to realize that I can bring kids into the church doors, entertain them, love on them, and teach them scripture, but by myself, my efforts aren't enough. And if their parents aren't involved (which is true for about half our students) then the church has got to step up as a body and disciple these youth. But they won't do it. How much of an impact can I have if it's just five or six of us adults fighting on behalf of 20 students?

I don't know what to do with this realization, and it's the most disheartening aspect of my job. I think this is the main problem with Christianity being so tied to the culture of midwest: we lose authenticity and passion when mere attendence becomes the standard for Christian living. Then eventually even church attendence dissipates into empty good intentions.

I don't want to give the impression that it's all bad, though. On Tuesday, I had a full 8-hour day which included writing lesson plans and meeting with youth over ice-cream. One 12 year old boy is being raised by his grandmother and has no church background, but his thirst for God and his desire to do good is unparalleled by any others in my little flock. He is getting baptised on Sunday morning and I am so happy that he has carefully considered what this means and is deciding to make a promise before the congregation to commit his life to God. I didn't play much of a hand in bringing him to this point but I get to continue to shepherd him through the next year and I am so thankful for that blessing. 

Can I believe that God is doing miracles that I can't see? Can I trust that I can't do it all but God tends his flocks like a shepherd, that He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to his heart? Can I depend on the Overseer of our Souls to guard those he has entrusted to me? I am afraid for the responsibility that he has given me through this little ministry, but God is the One who sees and changes men's hearts.