Oh Master, let me walk with Thee

A hymn we sang in church yesterday that really struck me:

"Oh Master, let me walk with thee in lowly paths of service free;
tell me thy secret; help me bear the strain of toil, the fret of care.
Help me the slow of heart to move by some clear, winning word of love,
teach me the wayward feet to stay, and guide them in the homeward way.
Teach me thy patience; still with thee in clearler, dearer company,
in work that keeps faith sweet and strong, in trust that triumphs over wrong;
in hope that sends a shinging ray far down the future's broadening way,
in peace that only thou canst give, with the, O Master, let me live."

joy

he came to church today; the man I met Friday afternoon. He came and I got to preach about life in the Spirit renewing us from the inside out, about the Living God who longs to have relationship with us, about the Consuming Fire whom we draw near in worship. He stayed for a while afterwards, talking to others, talking to our pastor. My heart is full.

The early worship service is growing, 5th Quarter was excellent, and Sunday school, though hit-and-miss with attendance, is deepening in discussion and intensity as we talk about tough themes like redemption, sin, and reconciliation. I am honored to be the farmer who is daily sowing seeds.
My heart is full.

i think i get it now.

I've been at the church today for five hours so far, two hours till 5th Quarter starts, and then two hours of high energy fun after that. Already, my spirit has been revived by my time here. Though it was hard to make myself come here this afternoon, a wave of energy and inspiration outgrew my weariness and restored hope and purpose to what I do here. I will ride it for the time being until the next dry spell comes, in all likeliness, a few days later.

I met a man today while standing outside the church. He was in pain from a wound that showed on his skin but went deep--all the way to his heart. He asked me for some burn ointment to treat the self-inflicted wound that kept him from taking his life last night. I had nothing to offer him, but tears welled up in his eyes as we talked. I could tell that he felt uncomfortable within the doors of the church and amazed that we not only invited him in, but didn't condemn him for his life-saving decision. He told me he had reached rock-bottom and didn't know which way to go. I told him that he made a good first step by just asking for help. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, thanked me from his heart.

Maybe he'll come back to this church and find the living water that can heal him from the inside out. But if he doesn't, I know he met Christ today in myself and the other gentleman who showed him love and grace.
These are the moments that shake my world from its core and I know beyond a doubt that I am right where I"m supposed to be. I'm not meant to be a youth pastor, not as a career. In this one little encounter I realize why this has been so wonderful and so difficult. I'm called to minister, but not designed for this capacity of high-energy and chasing down details. But these moments, meeting the low, the broken, the ones who have reached rock bottom, and showing them the face of Christ in just a few minute's time, that's the ministry I've been called to. I will stay in this position for this season of my life, all the while knowing for certain that God has greater plans for me. But there is nothing sweeter than finally, briefly, seeing the Church be the Church as She was meant to be--the hands and feet of Christ.

Pray for this man, and others like him in this aching town. Pray that the Church here steps up and does Her job, overwhelming the gates of hell with the love and compassion that come from Christ alone.

September prayers and praises

Forgot the most important part of the update:

Praise God for a slowly growing group! Three weeks ago we had a record: 13 students! Lately the average has been between 8 and 10, higher than last semester. Pray that we can continue to welcome students who need  to hear about God.

Pray for peace in our group. As is expected with this age group, some kids just don't get along. At first I saw this as a major problem and worked to separate the quarrenling parties, but I've since come to see it as a developmental hurdle that I know these kids can overcome. We are a loving community built on mutual faith in One God: pray that we can overcome our differences and love each other.

Confirmand groups are not working out yet as I had hoped. Please pray for the Spirit to bless those discipleship groups.

We already have two, possibly three college freshmen on board to help us with extra events! Pray that God brings in the the right peole to serve, and that their presence will encourage our group. I thank God for them!

Upcoming events: possibly paint-ball, Fall festival, more 5th Quarters. I want to plan a retreat in November. Pray that those things would happen and I wouldn't let myself get stressed out about what is outside of my control.

Above all, pray for God's Presence with us, to work in kid's hearts and draw the hurting to himself. Praise God for what He's about to do!

Rallys, parties, and light bulbs

(I've been writing this since summer time and I finally figured out how to post title. Go me!)

I love to see the body of Christ working together. Rather than being catagorized in our seperate buildings, I believe the most profound impact happens when all the saints join together and storm hell's gates side-by-side. This was the goal of the first (hopefully) annual Youth Rally. Several youth pastors in the area joined together behind a vision of a town-wide rally, with worship, teaching, and games. My own part in the rally was minimal but I was blessed to be a part of the evening. After meetings, lots of prayer, and a few hours of prep-work, the doors to the Expo Center were opened and, bit by bit, 105 kids filtered in from all over the area. Most belonged to youth groups but 15 were unchurched. The Holy Spirit met us there, and the True, Living Gospel was preached passionately to kids who never thought that excitement and God could exist in the same context. Now we have contact information for all of the kids and the youth pastors can divide-and-conquer on follow-ups. The movement of the Holy Spirit is so much bigger than my little youth group in my little church. He is drawing broken people back to Himself. I continue to pray for revival in this dry town, and I am blessed to see that I am not alone in this prayer, nor is God slow hear us.

Tonight is our second 5th Quarter. Got to be completely honest on this one, I don't really want to go tonight. I'd much rather be in bed or working on homework. But I know, I know, that this is an important aspect of ministry as well. We are providing a place for kids to be themselves, to build relationships, to be safe and independent and have fun. Having a party within the doors of a church blasts away the lie that God is dull. There are more opportunites for teachable moments in daily living together. It provides a bridge to welcome them to our regualr youth meetings, where they are sure to have the gospel preached to them again and again.

Whenever I need assurance that I am doing good here, God is faithful to provide it. At youth group last  night, one of my students had a shining moment. We were in small groups discussing how religions are not all the same, and that Jesus really is the only way to God. One student respectfully disagrees, insisting that if I were Muslim, for example, then I would get to God by being a good Muslim. After trying and failing to use words to prove to him the law of noncontradiction, I ultimately pick up my pencil and draw a simple stick-figure sketch, illustrating man, God, and the cross in between. "God would be very cruel or very stupid to let his Son die if there was any other way." And the lightbulb went on. Beyond finally understanding, this student's face lit up, in excitement he raised his voice: "Oh! I get it now!! I've always wondered that!" Of course Jesus is the only way! Armed with this new conviction, we went on to discuss who he could share the good news with and why it makes a difference.

I've been told that if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I love this job, but that is not true. It's hard work to love. It's not easy for this reserved introvert to work up the energy to pour out enthusiasm and joy whenever its required of me. And sometimes, even when I lightbulbs do go off, I'm not automatically filled with energizing joy that carries me thorugh the rest of a long day. But it is absolutely worth it. Beyong a doubt, loving God's people is always worth it.

Set-up for a new semester

August has been a huge month for us in our little small-town church. I have much to catch up on. Let me preface with Praise, as God is doing awesome things in the lives of these youth and the hearts of the church. This month, I am humbled and eternally grateful to be a part of the change going on here in rural Missouri.

And major changes are taking place this new semester. We are starting Confirmation material during Sunday School that will go all school year long. We have nine in the class and six who have committed to come regularly and dive deep into the material. We have mentors in line, daily devotionals, service projects and retreats to be scheduled. This is disciple-making, straight-forward and sweet, and I am thrilled to be teaching the essentail, foundational doctrines to an eager and committed class. Please pray for these six students who are considering joining the church.

I am bursting with pride to see my little group growing in boldness and maturity as they discover who they are in Christ. During our Youth Sunday, some of our 7th grades helped lead worship in fron of the entire congregation! Two others had the guts to read aloud ways God has demonstrated His power in their lives recently. They were so awesome!

Another exciting change is the youth room. In early February, myself, another leader, and three students stood in an empty, dim, grey, concrete room and prayed for the Spirit to fill it, that it would become a place of Strength and Peace not only for the youth of this church but for the whole community. Months went by, and periodically we would meet in that room but most of the time it remained empty. This summer, after our Mission Week team added some paint and paid for some lighting, things look a whole lot better.

My friends, I have seen this prayer answered! Last week we held our first 5th Quarter in the youth room, complete with music, snack bar, air hockey, fooseball, pool, and Uno. The kids had a blast! we had a few new faces and everyone told me we should do it after every home game, which we plan to to. Our first Youth Group for the semester, which was this last Sunday, also met in the improved youth room. We had a total of 13 students and a fantastic discussion about how our group mirrors the New Testament church in Acts 2. I can hear their answers reflecting a greater understanding than when we discussed the same topic six months ago.

Everything is set up and ready to go for this semester. Events are scheduled, youth leaders are committed, we're looking for a college student to come along side me this year so they can take over in May. We've got the Youth Room, Bus system, food and games. Oh heavenly Father, please let us not forget your Spirit!

Prayer requests as we head into September: That God would provide the right people to join our team, and would prepare the person who is supposed to take over after me; for our confirmand group to remain involved and committed and serious in their study; that the kids who need God's Word most would come to youth group and be fed. Pray that God helps me discern the balance between the need for fun events and serious discussion, so that everything we do is for a purpose. Pray that the Spirit takes over my speech (I'll be teaching sunday school, youth group, and an occasional Sunday Morning sermon this semester). Mostly, continue to pray for the Spirutal rain to revive thirsty hearts in this community. I've been told that conversations and attitudes are beginning to shift among the older members from "how can you (church leadership) serve me (paying member)" to "how can I get involved in what the church is doing in the community." Our Father is faithful and is up to Awesome things. I praise God for helping me through such a dry season so that I get to hear these first thunderclaps before the downpour.

Long days

The summer is beginning to wind down as school is only a week and a half away; time to transition to a more regular schedule, where my focus will be more on teaching and less on organizing crazy events (praise God!) but the transition also requires long hours of preparation for the school year. Yesterday was one of those 12- hour days, and I surprise myself with the range of emotions I experience in one day at work:

A knot of dread in the pit of my stomache during my morning drive reminds me that I'm just not looking forward to facing all the unanswered questions today. My quiet, introverted self struggles to be authentic past the friendly Sunday-morning greetings during the early service.

Impatience and embarassment as I remember a student who needs a ride (we can't  see  to get a good bus system going) and I need to find a second adult to go with me to pick him up. I hate asking other adults to do things, even though they are willing servants and they're not doing it for me, but for the students.

Disapointment in my students, whom I and another dear woman labor to teach week after week, and during review, can't recal one thing we discussed all summer long. Do these hours of work even count for anything?

Peace and comfort flood through me during the worship service. For an hour I can drop my "have it all together" role and petition a good King to bless this community. I am joined at the kneeling rail by older saints whose passion and perserverance last far longer than my own. This church struggles, but they have a good heart.

I'm tired by 11:30, but it's potluck day. I'm genuinely happy about getting a free meal and sharing it with some friends at church, but feeling increasingly tired and impatient as I gather up two students and another adult to give them a ride home. Back at the chruch, I have one hour to make phone calls, e-mails, and a to-do list before I go pick up kids again for worship rehearsal.

Because the pastor's away and next week is youth Sunday, guess who gets to be in charge of the service next week? It was my bright idea to get the youth band to lead worship, so by 2:00 we're all together with a handful of middle school students (the rest are unresponsive to my persistent phone calls) in an attempt to make something resembling music. This is where I almost start crying because I realize I've been put in charge of something I know nothing about.

My some miracle, we get through with a degree of improvement. Then there's a meeting with the pastor. Then a quick meeting with the music director. Details for next week begin falling into place. Finally it's off to the lake because Youth Group is meeting on a sail boat!

Two and a half hours later, I file 5 hungry students off the boat to impatient parents waiting on the shore. We promised to provide dinner that some students didn't have because we ran so late. One student was brand new and I hope he comes back next week, but his aunt seemed pretty unhappy about the late return. But I'm in a good mood because it was a fun and peaceful ride. Maybe we solidified some friendships. Maybe my short devotional about Jesus calming the waves was an encouragement to one. Maybe they'll make a point to come back.

That's always the question that stirrs the most anxiety in me. Who will be there? Who can I count on? Why aren't they comming? What can I do to make them come? But it's one question that keeps me coming back week after week. Is it worth it? Yes, it always is.

Here are some pictures of our crew on the sail boat. I certainly had a blast. Next week we'll go bowling, then to an ice-cream place, then our Kick-Off will be at the end of August. Fall 2012, here we come!  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stockton-United-Methodist-Church/149622788442667?ref=stream#!/media/set/?set=a.372117042859906.85125.149622788442667&type=1