Confession is Social Justice

Did you know, that pornography is not a victimless offense? I was surprised, too. It's easy to think that what a person does in the privacy of their own home is their own business. It's convenient to believe that no one else is hurt by what is done in secret, that the only person reaping the consequence of my sin is me.

Sadly, that's not the case.

Fact is, thousands of persons are trafficked and coerced to make pornographic films. Fact is, the women involved want to escape, but are trapped. Fact is, the industry is invariably connected to child abuse.
I could go on, but the fact is, pornography has thousands and thousands of victims, and those who indulge are consequently participating in the second largest illegal industry in the world: the trafficking and abuse of persons, most often children. We think of Human Trafficking as a social injustice, and social injustices are perceived as happenings "out there," apart from us, removed and abstract. But pornography is a social injustice that happens in our homes, churches, and schools.

When I heard these stats, I wondered, what sins do I commit that are a social injustice? What about when I fail to show compassion to the poor? When I allow favoritism, homophobic, or racist thoughts to remain unchecked in my conversations? Do I criticize someone who chooses abortion but don't help her find options? Do I reinforce slavery when I fail to put forth the effort to shop ethically? Do I steal someone's right to the truth when I decide to lie, to make myself look better? Does my self-centeredness keep me from looking at another person as God's precious possession? Yes. My personal, private sin has effects outside of myself. MY HEART IS A SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUE. Every 20-something wants to make a difference for a social justice cause. Passion and for justice issues seems to be a mark of our generation. But how can I ever fight such a big issue, when I realize that the problem is in my own heart?

Friends, there is a solution. One thing sin cannot stand; one thing that whisks its power away more than any quoted bible verse or hymn. This is the act of confession. Confession is like casting sunlight on a pocket of mold, illuminating and sanitizing what was allowed to grow in darkness. Confession removes our excuses and justifications, our pretense that we're all doing better than we actually are. Confession provides opportunity for prayer and accountability. But there's more....

There's something called the "Surrender Tactic." The idea is to turn weakness into power by, when a fight is unwinnable, confusing your enemy by giving in. A victory has to be won, so handing yourself over without a fight consequently (and ironically) takes away your opponent's victory. No one can take something that you give them. No one can claim power over you when you choose to give yourself up. So what happens we we take our deepest, most shameful, most powerful secret and reveal it in the light of safe community? Sin looses its power to shame. You don't have to fear being found out when you choose to share your weakness. You want to feel invincible? Share your brokenness. No one can threaten you with secrets you willingly give away.

Secondly, confession leads to worship. Confession is the humility to acknowledge your true state before God, thereby putting Him back on His rightful throne. When we worship, our vision is corrected, our mindset adjusted to what things should be. And as the book of Revelation reveals, Worship is Kingdom Warfare. Satan's lies and tactics are defeated, our hearts are submitted, and I am convinced heavenly agents are released when we worship. But worship begins when we kneel in confession.

Do you see? The solution is so simple and so impossibly difficult at the same time. Sin is injustice; confession conquers sin; therefore Confession conquers Injustice! But to truly develop this as a lifestyle takes discernment, courage, and humility beyond human capacity. We need God's help, help from the One who set the example of weakness being made strong. Philippians 2 speaks of Christ's humiliation as the means of his glorification. Is it not the same with us? And isn't it true that all He really asks of us is to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him.

i think i get it now.

I've been at the church today for five hours so far, two hours till 5th Quarter starts, and then two hours of high energy fun after that. Already, my spirit has been revived by my time here. Though it was hard to make myself come here this afternoon, a wave of energy and inspiration outgrew my weariness and restored hope and purpose to what I do here. I will ride it for the time being until the next dry spell comes, in all likeliness, a few days later.

I met a man today while standing outside the church. He was in pain from a wound that showed on his skin but went deep--all the way to his heart. He asked me for some burn ointment to treat the self-inflicted wound that kept him from taking his life last night. I had nothing to offer him, but tears welled up in his eyes as we talked. I could tell that he felt uncomfortable within the doors of the church and amazed that we not only invited him in, but didn't condemn him for his life-saving decision. He told me he had reached rock-bottom and didn't know which way to go. I told him that he made a good first step by just asking for help. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, thanked me from his heart.

Maybe he'll come back to this church and find the living water that can heal him from the inside out. But if he doesn't, I know he met Christ today in myself and the other gentleman who showed him love and grace.
These are the moments that shake my world from its core and I know beyond a doubt that I am right where I"m supposed to be. I'm not meant to be a youth pastor, not as a career. In this one little encounter I realize why this has been so wonderful and so difficult. I'm called to minister, but not designed for this capacity of high-energy and chasing down details. But these moments, meeting the low, the broken, the ones who have reached rock bottom, and showing them the face of Christ in just a few minute's time, that's the ministry I've been called to. I will stay in this position for this season of my life, all the while knowing for certain that God has greater plans for me. But there is nothing sweeter than finally, briefly, seeing the Church be the Church as She was meant to be--the hands and feet of Christ.

Pray for this man, and others like him in this aching town. Pray that the Church here steps up and does Her job, overwhelming the gates of hell with the love and compassion that come from Christ alone.

Rallys, parties, and light bulbs

(I've been writing this since summer time and I finally figured out how to post title. Go me!)

I love to see the body of Christ working together. Rather than being catagorized in our seperate buildings, I believe the most profound impact happens when all the saints join together and storm hell's gates side-by-side. This was the goal of the first (hopefully) annual Youth Rally. Several youth pastors in the area joined together behind a vision of a town-wide rally, with worship, teaching, and games. My own part in the rally was minimal but I was blessed to be a part of the evening. After meetings, lots of prayer, and a few hours of prep-work, the doors to the Expo Center were opened and, bit by bit, 105 kids filtered in from all over the area. Most belonged to youth groups but 15 were unchurched. The Holy Spirit met us there, and the True, Living Gospel was preached passionately to kids who never thought that excitement and God could exist in the same context. Now we have contact information for all of the kids and the youth pastors can divide-and-conquer on follow-ups. The movement of the Holy Spirit is so much bigger than my little youth group in my little church. He is drawing broken people back to Himself. I continue to pray for revival in this dry town, and I am blessed to see that I am not alone in this prayer, nor is God slow hear us.

Tonight is our second 5th Quarter. Got to be completely honest on this one, I don't really want to go tonight. I'd much rather be in bed or working on homework. But I know, I know, that this is an important aspect of ministry as well. We are providing a place for kids to be themselves, to build relationships, to be safe and independent and have fun. Having a party within the doors of a church blasts away the lie that God is dull. There are more opportunites for teachable moments in daily living together. It provides a bridge to welcome them to our regualr youth meetings, where they are sure to have the gospel preached to them again and again.

Whenever I need assurance that I am doing good here, God is faithful to provide it. At youth group last  night, one of my students had a shining moment. We were in small groups discussing how religions are not all the same, and that Jesus really is the only way to God. One student respectfully disagrees, insisting that if I were Muslim, for example, then I would get to God by being a good Muslim. After trying and failing to use words to prove to him the law of noncontradiction, I ultimately pick up my pencil and draw a simple stick-figure sketch, illustrating man, God, and the cross in between. "God would be very cruel or very stupid to let his Son die if there was any other way." And the lightbulb went on. Beyond finally understanding, this student's face lit up, in excitement he raised his voice: "Oh! I get it now!! I've always wondered that!" Of course Jesus is the only way! Armed with this new conviction, we went on to discuss who he could share the good news with and why it makes a difference.

I've been told that if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I love this job, but that is not true. It's hard work to love. It's not easy for this reserved introvert to work up the energy to pour out enthusiasm and joy whenever its required of me. And sometimes, even when I lightbulbs do go off, I'm not automatically filled with energizing joy that carries me thorugh the rest of a long day. But it is absolutely worth it. Beyong a doubt, loving God's people is always worth it.

Validation is sweet

I don't want to complain about my job, but the fact is that it's difficult in ways I never expected and are very hard to put into words, especially to people who have never before worked in ministry. I was talking to a pastor the other day, asking her how she has the stamina to continue her job for years and years without getting discouraged. "Only by God's grace," she said. "Sundays are my best and worst days. Some days I just sit in my offic after church and cry and cry. Then I get up and get ready for the next week." It's exhausting to have passion and a desire to teach and inspire and have the people you serve not care. They attend because it's what they do but not because they thrist to know more.
But hearing these stories is the most encouraging thing for me. If these great saints can serve for years and struggle and cry and continue joyfully, then I'm doing things right! My brief time in this church is not useless. I can be faithful to follow the call and not worry about the fruit.

I am so excited for the upcoming camp and missions week!! Finally, the lessons are written, supplies purchased, projects all planned out and a weekend retreat to top it all off! To my astonishment, all the details have fallen into place. I know this week will have great potential and God may use it to change hearts as He did mine when I was on Jr. High youth trips. I can hardly believe that I'm leaving for Camp in two days. It will be an intense time encouraging middle-school and Senior high girls, but at least I don't have to make decisions! :) Overall, the next few weeks will roll right along, and with all the ups and downs, I'm glad to be a part of this.

joys and frustrations

It feels like the times when I feel most discouraged is right after a relative success in ministry. I do not understand it. Maybe it's Satan trying to rob my joy, maybe it's just me learning to adjust my expectations as I maneuver the ups and downs of church ministry. I guess ultimately, its the reality that not even this work, which I once and still believe is my greatest joy, can be completely fulfilling. Yes, I know that God is using me and my teaching in ways I can't see (and I've even been blessed to be allowed to see some fruit) but sometimes, at the end of the day, it's a paycheck. All the "shiny" has worn off.

Last Thursday we had a girl's night that went really well! Movie, snacks, "Just Dance," and toe nails. I was glad to provide the opportunity for the girls to come together and have some fun and make connections with some female youth leaders. So I guess it was disappointing when Sunday rolled around, and none of the girls showed up for youth group. We've had increasingly high attendance the past few weeks, but this last sunday there were only three boys, and I got the impression that they weren't too interested in the lesson, though I pulled out everything I could think of to make it engaging. I often talk about the steady drip of truth that carved out my faith as it is today, and I know the same concept applies to these boys I teach. Sometimes, though, I catch myself wondering if I just tell myself that to make me feel better. I know that a few hours once a week is not nearly enough, and it's even more aggravating when parent's aren't committed enough to bring their children to church.

This week I have the daunting task of compiling projects and helpers for our missions week. Please pray that it all comes together smoothly. Pray also that I don't give up, but that I finish strong the race marked out for me.

surrender

I've attempted to post on a few different occasions in the past two weeks, and the right words just wouldn't come. There's a lot going on at the church. Work is the source of much stress and frustration as well as joy, and it's hard to cover it all in a blog post.

Last Sunday I was very discouraged with our church. I finally realized that there is a pocket in the congregation that, although they complain about the lack of youth in the church and they hired me to bring more kids in, don't really want the church to grow. These people think that the youth of today are just like the youth of 50 or 60 years ago. They are more concerned with church attendence and acting "Christian" than they are with true relationship or discipleship. They may meet the kids and shake their hands but won't lift a finger in their personal growth. These leaves the burden of authentic church growth and legitimate discipling relationships on the few who are passionate and already involved in too much.

It was a hopeless feeling to realize that I can bring kids into the church doors, entertain them, love on them, and teach them scripture, but by myself, my efforts aren't enough. And if their parents aren't involved (which is true for about half our students) then the church has got to step up as a body and disciple these youth. But they won't do it. How much of an impact can I have if it's just five or six of us adults fighting on behalf of 20 students?

I don't know what to do with this realization, and it's the most disheartening aspect of my job. I think this is the main problem with Christianity being so tied to the culture of midwest: we lose authenticity and passion when mere attendence becomes the standard for Christian living. Then eventually even church attendence dissipates into empty good intentions.

I don't want to give the impression that it's all bad, though. On Tuesday, I had a full 8-hour day which included writing lesson plans and meeting with youth over ice-cream. One 12 year old boy is being raised by his grandmother and has no church background, but his thirst for God and his desire to do good is unparalleled by any others in my little flock. He is getting baptised on Sunday morning and I am so happy that he has carefully considered what this means and is deciding to make a promise before the congregation to commit his life to God. I didn't play much of a hand in bringing him to this point but I get to continue to shepherd him through the next year and I am so thankful for that blessing. 

Can I believe that God is doing miracles that I can't see? Can I trust that I can't do it all but God tends his flocks like a shepherd, that He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to his heart? Can I depend on the Overseer of our Souls to guard those he has entrusted to me? I am afraid for the responsibility that he has given me through this little ministry, but God is the One who sees and changes men's hearts.

learning what true strength is

Over and over again, God is reminding me never to underestimate my students.
Since January, one of the most faithful attendants in our youth group is "Jessica," a sweet, caring, spunky, senior who just graduated from high school. Her mental handicap does not slow her down, as she is now living independently in her own apartment and walking to church regularly. Over the past semester I have seen her grow and ask intelligent questions during our studies. She is brave to hang out with a group predominantly populated by middle-school boys, but she and I always have a fun time.
Last night she called me with an "important question" concerning her boyfriend; an issue involving all the drama of the average middle-school relationship. "Oh God, please give me wisdom!" How do I give relationship advice to a high school student when my own experience is fairly limited? As I sought to empathize and guide her the best I could, though, the conversation quickly delved into surprising depths. Jess opened up on issues I never guessed she even thought about. Our conversation lasted an hour. All I could do was offer a listening ear as she re-opened wounds from years past. I was struck by her sensitivity, her sincerity, and her courage to face each day with the cards that had been dealt her. Beyond what I imagined, Jess recognizes her sin and is broken by it, striving to do better each day. She's so often written off because of her handicap, but she has more gusto in her than anyone might anticipate.
I couldn't give Jess any answers or advice to the issues she's dealing with. I couldn't wave my hand or fix her problem. I can't be her best friend and be by her side whenever she wants to talk. But for a little while, I can give her the opportunity to be listened to. In this world of information-sharing, there's not enough listening. For a moment, I could validate her feelings and frustrations. I could act out the truth that God suffers with her in her suffering.

When I stop and think about it, I find it frightening to bear the responsibility of shepherding His sheep. "Not many should presume to be teachers, because those who teach will be judged more harshly. If any man can tame the tongue, he is perfect; able to keep his whole body in check." But they are God's sheep. He holds them in his Hands, I can only try to be an expression of His love in their lives.

 " ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. " 1 Cor 4:10-12

Sharing life with someone, loving someone, means suffering with them. Every time. We cannot love fully unless we share in their sufferings. It's not easy, but it's a price worth paying, because for those who follow Christ, death always gives way to New Life.

coffee break

Sometimes I think the world and the church has some misconceptions about youth ministry:

• No, I do not work only on Sundays.
• No, my work is not comprised only of crazy games, football, and ice-cream. Those are just the perks.
• Yes, it does take quite a bit of time to prepare a usefull lesson, but work requires even more than that.
• Yes, thank you, I do like coffee and spend a lot of time in coffee shops. But I can only afford so many Starbucks grande Chai lattes. Eventually the tea runs out and the work remains.

My back is sore from sitting in Starbucks for the past two hours sending out e-mails and making phone calls, juggling three events-in-the-making with little response from volunteers or students. Days like yesterday are why I absolutely love what I do. Days like today are why I'm getting paid.

Blessed evening tonight.

 This is the kind of stuff youth ministers thrive on.
I can have a tendency to be cynical about things like short-term mission trips and Christian summer camps. Is this the beginning of a new period of spiritual growth, or a short-lived emotional high that happens to have "jesus" somewhere in the tag line? I'm always unsure about what kind of lasting impact such a camp can have, but one of my students returned from a week at church camp and my pastor encouraged me to go on a follow-up visit, so he and I went to pick up 12-year-old Timothy and his brother for a Sonic run this afternoon.
The conversation flowed as expected from any 12-year-old boy: incessant chatter about the pool, fishing, girls, etc. I wasn't discouraged by this; just offering the boy a chance to be heard and know that he is valued is time well spent, but I wasn't expecting any serious spiritual stuff.
I was totally surprised when Timothy randomly changed the subject to worship and how much he enjoyed it. I asked him what he learned from camp and his answer was "knock and the door will be opened to you." He talked about how he felt God during the camp and was reassured that God is always with him. Conversation turned to struggling with sin and Christ's forgiveness, even when we sin repeatedly. We talked about his personal experience with Romans 7:21--25 and how wonderful it is that the Holy Spirit helps us to overcome sin. The next thing he asked me about was baptism. Though his initial understanding of what Baptism is was incorrect, he was very interested in knowing why we're supposed to be baptized and what it means. After explaining as much as we could the seriousness and commitment behind such a decision, Timothy decidedly voiced that he wanted to get baptized. After spending the time talking with him, I am certain that Timothy does have a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and is ready to make this commitment. With more prayer and discussion, Timothy will be baptized on July 1st along with some other adults who wish to submit their lives to Christ and join the church.
In the midst of dealing with all the squirrliness of middle-school boys, of fighting with inconsistent attendance and lack of communication, of trying to patiently answer stupid questions and wondering if a 20-minute lesson and some games could possibly make a difference....I must never underestimate the spiritual understanding of this age group. They continually surprise me with the deepest sincerity and a serious desire to learn and improve. These are the kids from broken homes who statistically speaking, shouldn't want anything to do with the gospel. But Christ's love compels us...
There are many weeks of camp to go, and many projects, game nights, sunday school lessons, and ice-cream runs ahead. Pray for rains of blessings and softened hearts, and praise the God of the harvest.