This Year's Praises

I have a strange confession: I really love airports. I love looking at the giant list of cities I could potentially visit if I walked on this plane instead of that one. I love seeing people as they pass and wondering what brings them to this hub. I especially enjoy the smell of walking onto the terminal. It smells like adventure to me.

I write this on a plane out of O’Hare back to my home town. It will just be a pit stop on my way to a new adventure: a week of ministry in Haiti. Its strange to think that the last time I was on this very same flight, I was in a completely different place spiritually. I was headed to a memorial; saying goodbye to two beautiful people I never got the chance to say hello to. My time at school began veiled in grief, doubt, and anxiety. The adventuresome feeling of being in a new place was short-lived. Getting back on the plane to return and continue building a brand new life was one of the hardest things I had done at that point. My new life felt a little like an exile.

That was August of 2013. Now, less than two years later, my exile has turned into a land of plenty. I want to return the first fruits. I want to share with you the praise of what God has done for me this semester.

God gave me a Community where there was none; brothers and sisters that have quickly become so dear to me. In a local church I found myself in a fellowship of people who know me for who I am and lift me up when I need them. I found people who are quick to love and share their lives.

God clarified a Calling. Now in my internship, my passion for counseling youth has exploded. There are days I walk away from the office just filled to the brim, loving my job, and then remembering that I’m not getting paid to be here! I simply love what I do. Also God has sharpened my vision for teaching mental health in the church. He’s given me a passion for teaching and opportunities to explore these gifts. Funny thing about walking in your giftedness; it makes every previous frustration and disappointment totally worth it. Of course that didn’t work out! as it dawns on you, I never dreamed the alternative would be this good!.

God has Provided for everything I need. It's easy to hopelessly adopt the caricature of the starving grad student, but whether by random jobs that open up or the surprising generosity of others, I have never once been in need. In my mustard-seed faith I often worry, but some amazing provision always comes up.

Most amazing, God has given me Joy and has healed wounds I thought would always define me. He has hulk-smashed mountains of insecurity, freeing me from so much doubt and fear. This semester especially has been one of more peace, breath, and mental space than I’ve experienced for quite some time.

Not to mention, this year I have this amazing person to visit: 

My 6-month niece, Josie Joy

I don’t want to paint the wrong picture…I was not depressed or hopeless last year, far from it. But some struggles are deep, hidden from the public eye and drawn out for so long, you get used to them and expect them to be always present. Some burdens you just get used to carrying until you can’t imagine life without. When the clouds break open and you finally realize that you’ve dropped those burdens off at last, the delight is so overwhelming that you must praise God. There’s nothing else I can do. He has been faithful to me.