green eyes?

I don't like to admit this, but its easy for me to get jealous. 

I for one am an Experience-Chaser. There's rarely something new that I won't try once. There is no country I don't want to visit, and not many ministries I'd be reluctant to dip by toes into (maybe except for Ladies' Quilting--an exceptional love-ministry that's a little too slow paced for me. Sorry, Mom!) In middle school I would read biographies of famous missionaries throughout history and think "That's where I want to be." Front-lines, in the jungles, ready to throw comfort and caution to the wind for the thrill of a new adventure. Such a life would not be a noble sacrifice for me, because the glory and romance of travel is by far more desirable than the security of home. This is the restlessness God wove into my spirit at a young age, and I know its there for a purpose.

I know this restlessness is there for a purpose, even when composing research proposals during my 19th year straight of full-time education. I know it even when bedtime is 10 pm because tomorrow will be a full day of reading text-books. I know that I was made to travel to far-off places even when waiting in the suburban traffic between school and the office for the sixth time that week. Even when I rest my mind with a novel on a Sunday afternoon, part of my heart is still yearning for battle. Perhaps I know it especially because of where I am right now.

Often I can live in this tension, knowing that I'll have my moment one day. But waiting for that one day is hard when it seems like others around you are living the dream right now. Pictures and blog posts of glorious destinations and missionary journeys clutter my face book wall, and instead of reminding me to pray for my friends in those remote places, they tend to whisper "look where you're not...".

...As if in this awesome adventure following the Creator of the Universe, we could actually miss out on anything! 

Read that line again, and notice the pride involved with imagining I am missing out on ANYTHING when I have fellowship with the Living God. 

There's something more beautiful, more lasting, than standing on the mountain top. Something that makes a bigger difference than bushwhacking new trails, something more enriching than learning to commune with someone in another language. I'm of course talking about Walking with God. Walking in obedience, growing closer day by day, learning to communicate with God on a personal level: there can be nothing greater. I may not know what my friends in those remote places have sacrificed to be obedient to God's call on their lives. I do know that if I were to ditch this season to pursue the life I want, I would be foregoing an essential period of growth and development necessary for effective work. But worse than that, I would be just plain disobedient. 

My life does not belong to me!

 And that is a freeing and delightful thing to confess. Let that truth sink in, and I no longer am harnessed with the responsibility to ensure I make all the right choices for my maximal happiness. Instead I am motivated to put my everything into whatever is immediately before me, knowing that God will not waste a single drop of sweat. It's all good work. Souls here in suburbia are just as precious in the eyes of our Father as souls on the other side of the world. Oh, that I may have eyes to see the thrill of the spiritual battle right in front of me. I would be too energized with purpose and urgency to feel envious of anyone else's calling.