"The Hope of Heartbreak"

I would like to direct your attention to this excellent article, The Hope of Heartache.
I love the way the author describes the deep reality of something we usually belittle or deny. Her authenticity is startling and refreshing.  I appreciate how she is completely unembarrassed by her pain, and rightly assumes that most everyone has or is or will endure this same grief.

I was delightfully surprised by her thoughts because of how often we minimize or laugh off this particular pain. How many times have I myself uttered an encouragement which deflects attention away from the trial...
               "You deserve better...."
              "You'll find someone else.."
              "In a few months you'll feel better," or
              "Maybe you should get a dog."
How often have I tried to belittle or deny my own grief because it seems silly to talk about, though it was the loss of something so precious.  It is simply human nature to smear yellow over deep dark oceans of grief, but this tendency is especially true in regard to heartache, and especially in Christian circles. (Give me one good Christian song about the loss of romantic love. Okay, Reliant K and Jon Foreman come to mind, but certainly nothing you'd hear on K Love.)  We just want to pretend its not as difficult a journey as it really is. But by doing this, when we pretend that Heartache is somehow a "second-rate" grief, we lose the opportunity to experience God's faithfulness, and we deny the value of what God made good.

It is so easy for us to pretend that Heartache is no big deal, especially if my pride is involved. Break-ups are a sucker-punch to pride you didn't know you had. For whatever reason, a break up means admitting you were wrong, and no one wants to be wrong. We may also think that if other people see our pain, we might be written off as desperate, as if pain caused by one area of life means you're automatically weak. This is as illogical as saying I shouldn't cry over my broken arm because the rest of my body is in good shape. For Christians, however, I think the deepest lie is believing that finding my satisfaction in Christ means not having any other desires. Nothing could be further from the truth. Contentment in Singleness (as well as marriage) means sacrifice, and losing a spouse or potential spouse is a loss nonetheless.

We miss out on something very important when we try to minimize this type of grief. For a culture which goes to great lengths in celebrating marriage, why do we then fail to pay homage to the loss of it? If God Himself instilled in us a yearning for intimacy, would we then ascribe this ache to the devil or to human weakness? Could it be that the loss itself is a gift to be treasured, just as the gift which is celebrated?

I have been guilty myself of minimizing grief, of trying to "be strong" in the face of loss. I have "shrugged off" the deep ache as an inconvenience or weakness, pretending to be "over it" much sooner than I should have. But beyond being inauthentic, this only results in minimizing the Good Thing God Himself gave. If this hurt less, that means the relationship would have been less.

The fact that this is painful now means what we had was very good. Such a good thing deserves to be celebrated and deserves to be grieved.

As the author reiterated, Love is worth it. Are you bearing a deep grief because of what was lost? Then you are strong, because you loved much. Sisters, you are NOT pathetic when you ache for someone to hold you. Brothers, you are NOT desperate as you watch and wait for her to enter your life. And as much as you want to savor every wonderful moment with someone you love, so too hold onto each hour of suffering as if you are undergoing something holy. Because you are. And when that sun finally does break out, it shines out all the clearer.

I've finally seen it; it's worth every minute of waiting.